Hello, English Club members! We have a very thought-provoking article for you this week. It challenges us to shift our perspective on a fundamental part of our lives: trust.

Please read the article, and then join the discussion by answering one or more of the following questions. Remember to support your opinions with examples from your own experience or the text itself. Let's get a thoughtful conversation going!

Title: Do You Find It Hard to Trust Others?

Trust feels genuinely difficult right now — and for many of us, for very good reason.Something has shifted.The certainties we relied on feel less certain.The systems we counted on feel less reliable.And the people around us?They can feel harder to read, harder to predict, harder to count on.

When trust feels this fragile, it's natural to focus on what others need to do differently.If they were more honest, more consistent, more accountable — then things would feel safer.And sometimes that's a fair assessment.But waiting for others to change leaves us dependent on something entirely outside our control.

What if the more practical question isn't "Are they trustworthy?"— but "Can I trust myself to navigate whatever they do?"

This isn't about lowering the bar for others' behavior, or pretending difficult people aren't difficult.It's about recognizing that how we show up in our relationships is the one thing we can always work with.

Psychologists describe this as secure attachment to ourselves — and it's different from confidence or optimism.It's the quiet knowing that when things get hard, we will show up for ourselves.We'll advocate for what we need.We'll ask for help when we need it.We'll set healthy limits when the situation calls for it.And we won't abandon ourselves — even if others do.

Avoiding the Drama

Without that self-trust, we're vulnerable to a pattern that psychologist Stephen Karpman identified, called the Drama Triangle.When we don't feel safe enough, our nervous system tips into protection mode, and our brains generate stories to make sense of what's happening.And these stories tend to follow a familiar shape:

We cast someone as the Villain — the source of all our problems.

We look for a Hero — someone who can fix things and rescue us.

And see a Victim — overwhelmed, helpless, waiting for something outside themselves to change.

This isn't a character flaw.It's just faulty maths.Our brains search for the fastest path back to safety — and the story of the Drama Triangle feels like an answer that's easy to understand.But when we place both the threat and the solution outside of ourselves, we abandon ourselves in the process.

Start With Compassion

The first step back toward trusting yourself is to start with compassion — particularly for yourself.When we can see the story we're stuck in with some kindness and understanding, rather than judgment, something loosens.We're not a bad person for casting Villains, hoping for Heroes, or seeing Victims.We're a human being whose brain is trying to manage a situation that feels unsafe.

That moment of self-compassion — "Oh, I'm not feeling safe enough in this situation, and I need a better way to navigate what's unfolding" — is often what creates just enough space to slow down and calculate a more reliable path.

Try asking yourself:Are the stories I'm telling about this situation serving me and others well?Have I gotten myself stuck in a drama triangle?

Then Get Curious

Once there's a little space, curiosity becomes possible.And curiosity changes everything — because it shifts the question from "What did they do wrong?"to "What is mine to learn?"

Drawing on the research of David Emerald, I've come to think of this as the Compassion Circle: Every Villain can become a Challenger — someone pushing us toward growth we wouldn't have chosen but perhaps needed.The Hero we were searching for can become a Coach — someone who supports us while trusting we're capable.And instead of staying stuck as the Victim, we can step into the role of Creator — someone who recognizes they can't control others, but can choose their own response.

Personally, I find it helpful to imagine the person I've been casting as the Villain with a big red bow on top of their head — the unexpected gift of learning and growth I didn't ask for, and didn't want, but am being given nonetheless.

Try asking yourself: What might this situation be trying to teach me?What growth is being asked of me here, even if I didn't sign up for it?

Finally, Get Creative

With compassion and curiosity as your foundation, more creativity becomes available.This is where we move from stuck to accountable — not waiting to be rescued, not rehearsing the blame story, but taking accountability for our own learning and growth.

It doesn't have to be a grand gesture.Small experiments are often the wisest — a different kind of conversation, a boundary named for the first time, help asked for rather than waited on.The point is that you're no longer waiting for someone to save you.You're trusting yourself to be in relationships with others.

Try asking yourself: How do I want to show up for myself and others in this situation?How will this help me learn to trust myself to be in healthy relationships?

General Understanding & First Impressions

1. Main Idea: In your own words, what is the central argument of this article about trust? How does it differ from the common way we think about trust?

2. Personal Connection: The author begins by saying, "Trust feels genuinely difficult right now." Do you agree with this statement? What in your personal experience or observation makes trust feel more "fragile" today?

3. Key Shift: What is the significance of shifting the question from "Are they trustworthy?" to "Can I trust myself to navigate whatever they do?" Do you find this to be a practical or a difficult perspective to adopt?

Diving Deeper: Self-Trust & The Drama Triangle

4. Defining Self-Trust: The article describes "secure attachment to ourselves" as a "quiet knowing." Can you describe a time when you felt this "quiet knowing" during a difficult situation with another person?

5. Abandoning Ourselves: What does the author mean by the phrase, "we abandon ourselves in the process"? How does being stuck in the Drama Triangle lead to self-abandonment?

6. Identifying the Roles: Think about a past conflict or difficult relationship. Can you identify a moment when you cast someone as the Villain, looked for a Hero to save the situation, or found yourself feeling like a helpless Victim?

7. Faulty Maths: The article calls the Drama Triangle "faulty maths." Why is this an effective metaphor for the way our brains try to find a quick path to safety?

Applying the Tools: Compassion, Curiosity, and Creativity

8. Self-Compassion in Action: The article suggests starting with self-compassion by saying, "Oh, I'm not feeling safe enough in this situation." How does this simple, non-judgmental acknowledgment create "space" to find a better path?

9. The Red Bow: The author imagines the "Villain" with a red bow on their head as an "unexpected gift." What do you think of this idea? Is it possible to view someone who has wronged you as a catalyst for your own growth?

10. Challenger vs. Villain: What is the practical difference between seeing someone as a "Villain" and seeing them as a "Challenger"? How does this change your emotional response and your next steps?

11. Coach vs. Hero: How does looking for a "Coach" (who supports you) differ from looking for a "Hero" (who saves you)? Why is the "Coach" role more aligned with building self-trust?

12. Becoming a Creator: The goal is to move from "Victim" to "Creator." What are some examples of "Creator" behavior in a relationship? How does focusing on your response rather than trying to control others make you a "Creator"?

Personal Reflection & Application

13. Small Experiments: The article encourages starting with "small experiments" like "a boundary named for the first time." What is one small experiment you could try in a current relationship to practice trusting yourself?

14. Learning vs. Blame: Reflect on a recent interpersonal challenge. Using the framework from the article, what was "mine to learn" from that situation?

15. Your Takeaway: After reading this article, what is the single most important idea you will take with you? How might it change the way you handle a future situation where you feel your trust is shaken?

Word List: Trust and Relationships

-Nouns (Key Concepts & Ideas)

• Certainty (plural: certainties)

o Definition: Something that is known for sure; a firm belief that something will happen.

o From the article: "The certainties we relied on feel less certain."

• Attachment

o Definition: A deep and enduring emotional bond that connects one person to another.

o From the article: "Psychologists describe this as secure attachment to ourselves..."

• Advocate (used as a verb in the article, but can also be a noun)

o Definition (Verb): To publicly support or recommend a particular cause or policy.

o From the article: "We'll advocate for what we need."

• Drama Triangle

o Definition: A psychological model describing a destructive pattern of interaction involving three roles: Victim, Villain, and Hero.

o From the article: "Without that self-trust, we're vulnerable to a pattern... called the Drama Triangle."

• Villain

o Definition: A person who is seen as the source of evil or harm; the "bad guy."

o From the article: "We cast someone as the Villain — the source of all our problems."

• Hero

o Definition: A person who is admired for their courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities; a savior.

o From the article: "We look for a Hero — someone who can fix things and rescue us."

• Victim

o Definition: A person who is harmed, suffering, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action.

o From the article: "And see a Victim — overwhelmed, helpless..."

• Compassion Circle

o Definition: A positive alternative to the Drama Triangle, where roles are transformed into healthier counterparts (Challenger, Coach, Creator).

o From the article: "I've come to think of this as the Compassion Circle..."

• Challenger

o Definition: A person who tests one's abilities, pushing them toward growth.

o From the article: "Every Villain can become a Challenger — someone pushing us toward growth..."

• Coach

o Definition: A person who supports and instructs another, trusting in their capability.

o From the article: "The Hero we were searching for can become a Coach..."

• Creator

o Definition: A person who brings something into existence; in this context, someone who chooses their own response.

o From the article: "...we can step into the role of Creator..."

-Adjectives (Describing Words)

• Fragile

o Definition: Easily broken or damaged; delicate.

o From the article: "When trust feels this fragile, it's natural to focus on what others need to do differently."

• Accountable

o Definition: Required or expected to justify actions or decisions; responsible.

o From the article: "If they were more honest, more consistent, more accountable — then things would feel safer."

• Secure

o Definition: Fixed or fastened so as not to give way, become loose, or be lost; confident and assured.

o From the article: "Psychologists describe this as secure attachment to ourselves..."

• Vulnerable

o Definition: Susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm.

o From the article: "Without that self-trust, we're vulnerable to a pattern..."

-Verbs (Action Words)

• To Navigate

o Definition: To plan and direct the course of a journey; to find a way through a difficult or complex situation.

o From the article: "...but 'Can I trust myself to navigate whatever they do?'"

• To Abandon

o Definition: To desert or leave permanently; to give up completely.

o From the article: "And we won't abandon ourselves — even if others do."

• To Cast (past tense: cast)

o Definition: To assign a role to someone; to choose actors for a play or film.

o From the article: "We cast someone as the Villain..."

• To Loosen

o Definition: To make something less tight or firm; to relax.

o From the article: "...we can see the story we're stuck in with some kindness... something loosens."

• To Tip into

o Definition: To cause someone or something to move into a new state or condition.

o From the article: "...our nervous system tips into protection mode..."

-Phrases for Discussion

• To show up for (oneself/someone)

o Meaning: To be there for someone in a time of need; to support or be present.

o From the article: "...when things get hard, we will show up for ourselves."

• To lower the bar

o Meaning: To make standards or expectations lower.

o From the article: "This isn't about lowering the bar for others' behavior..."

• To be stuck in a story

o Meaning: To be unable to move past a particular, often negative, narrative or perspective.

o From the article: "Have I gotten myself stuck in a drama triangle?"

• To rehearse the blame story

o Meaning: To repeat or go over in one's mind the narrative of who is at fault.

o From the article: "...not waiting to be rescued, not rehearsing the blame story..."