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文心一言对于我做的翻译练习的修改建议

4樓 圆环之理 2024-9-4 14:14

原文:

这个女孩名叫米儿,平日里十分喜欢恶作剧,尤其爱好扮鬼吓人

不过最近这几天她非常苦恼,因为她感觉自己越来越想不出什么新的吓人手段了

这一天,她出去散心

一个身穿黑色燕尾服的中年男人模样的人在她面前现了身

 

译文:

The name of this girl is Mier. She likes to do pranks very much, especially ghost pranks

But recently she felt very troubled, because she found she could not find new ideas to scare others any more

On this day, she went out to take a walk

A middle aged looking and black tailcoat wearing man appeared in front of her

 

这个译文大致上是正确的,但有一些细节可以进一步改进以提升表达的准确性和流畅性:

 

“这个女孩名叫米儿”应该翻译为“This girl's name is Mier.”,虽然“The name of this girl is Mier.”也是正确的,但前者更常用且更自然。

 

“平日里十分喜欢恶作剧”可以翻译为“and she loves playing pranks on people on an everyday basis.”,这样的表达更加清晰,且“on an everyday basis”比“very much”更能体现“平日里”的频繁性。

 

“尤其爱好扮鬼吓人”可以翻译为“especially enjoys dressing up as a ghost to scare others.”,这样的表达更直接且易于理解。

 

“不过最近这几天她非常苦恼”可以翻译为“However, she's been feeling quite frustrated recently.”,这里用“been feeling”来表示一种持续的状态,同时“quite frustrated”比“very troubled”更能表达她内心的困扰。

 

“因为她感觉自己越来越想不出什么新的吓人手段了”可以翻译为“because she feels like she's running out of new ways to scare people.”,这样的表达更自然且符合英文习惯。

 

“这一天,她出去散心”可以翻译为“One day, she went out for a stroll to clear her mind.”,这里用“for a stroll”来强调散步的悠闲和目的性,同时“clear her mind”准确地传达了“散心”的意思。

 

“一个身穿黑色燕尾服的中年男人模样的人在她面前现了身”可以翻译为“A middle-aged man dressed in a black tuxedo appeared in front of her.”,这样的表达更简洁且易于理解。

 

因此,句子最终翻译为:

This girl's name is Mier. She loves playing pranks on people on an everyday basis, especially enjoys dressing up as a ghost to scare others. However, she's been feeling quite frustrated recently, because she feels like she's running out of new ways to scare people. One day, she went out for a stroll to clear her mind. A middle-aged man dressed in a black tuxedo appeared in front of her.

圆环之理 2024-9-4 14:16
好吧,我会这样写可能是因为德语的书写习惯,如果用德语写“XX的YY”的话,XX都是放在YY后面的,要么写成der Name des Mädchens要么写成der Name von dem Mädchen,以致于我回头来写英语,思维会转不过弯,第一时间会写成the name of this girl

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